I’m accepting the challenge (yes that’s what it is for me) launched by Unpredictable Life; I’ve decided to write an entire article, way different from my usual ones, about my life story.
This is new for me, I’ve never written anything so personal in my blog. It usually deals with fashion, trends and lifestyle; but this time it will be different.
The Blogging University 101 asked me to choose an event on WordPress and participate, the first I saw is the one that hit my heart.
I’ve never been actually depressed, but I surely felt that kind of feeling.
Everyone says high school is often terrible; well, it was not to me, it was actually the first time I felt really accepted for who I am, something that I wasn’t used to.
Middle school was a living hell for me.
I don’t know why in our society we always feel the need to be accepted and to be part of a group. We want to be popular. Well, I wasn’t.
I wasn’t beautiful, really funny, particularly smart.. I didn’t fit in.
That’s the reason everyone else felt it was right to judge me, criticize me, offend me.
“God if you’re ugly.” Or something like this. Almost everyday.
They didn’t like me, that was clear; they didn’t want me around them, like if I had an STD.
The sad thing is that after a while that someone keeps saying those kind of things to you, you start to think that they must say it for a reason and eventually you believe them. I started thinking that there was something wrong with me, that they were right, that I was ugly and unworthy of any kind of love or even friends.
Even sadder thing? I did everything I could to change to be accepted from them. But was never enough.
I tried to be funnier, more compliant, God I even did their homeworks. Of course they were using me the whole time making me believe that maybe I wasn’t that bad, but then it was always the same sh*t.
Little intro: I tend to give all myself to the people I love, all my heart. That’s where I get my heart broken.
I’ve always been like this and in middle school it was a huge mistake.
A girl who I thought was one of my best friends, turned all my friends away from me. Every single one of them. They were not a lot so it was pretty easy for her to do it, but I was completely alone.
I felt like sh*t, I didn’t go out of my house, I was always sad and even if I don’t remember it, I’m pretty sure I cried a lot.
After a while my all time best friend, my soul sister, came to me and apologized for going away and believing that b*tch.
With time things got better, but only on the outside. That feeling of inferiority never left me.
I finally understood that those bullies weren’t right at all, they only wanted to mess with me, to make me feel miserable only for their amusement. And they succeeded.
I know see my reflection in the mirror and I don’t hate myself like I used to do before, I kinda like me. But one thing is sure: I’m not ashamed of who I am, I’m very proud of myself and I won’t change for anyone. Like me or leave me, in both ways I’ll be fine.
I’ll never let someone throw me down again, I now know that my happiness doesn’t depend on someone’s approval, I’m not happy if I have a lot of friends, I’m happy if I love myself and if I feel comfortable in my own skin.
Sometimes I’m glad things went this way, because know I’ve gained my confidence and my story helped me understand who I am and that I’m a fuc*ing great person.
I know that unfortunately bullying is very common and that people live worse stories than mine. I’m truly sorry for that.
Fight. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Find your happiness. Tell them to go fu*k themselves. You don’t need them believe me, and eventually you’ll find someone that will appreciate every side of you, even your flaws.
There are a lot of people like you, like us. It may sound like a cliche, but you are really not alone.
[ It took me some time to write this, and even more to decide to post it. I don’t know why but I always feel like no one is going to understand me and everyone will make fun of me. I really hope it won’t happen. ]
Header via Cory Blake on You Tube.